Comprehensive Guide To Attraction

The question that I hear most frequently from students on bootcamp who want to better themselves with women is: ‘how do I get a woman attracted to me?'. I have decided to write an entire book on Attraction which should be released in a few months. For now, this comprehensive article should help in answering this question.

My Background In Attraction

I used to have massive problems with attraction.

If you have read my bio, you’ll know that I had my first kiss at 20 (almost 21 years old), despite trying for at least 5 years to get a girlfriend. I never wanted to be a ‘pick up artist’ (and I still don't consider myself as one of those weird group of guys). I just wanted to get better with women and understand why I was so terrible with them. Now, I rank amongst the top men in the world in terms of ability with women. Learning to generate attraction was a big part of this.

How I Learned Attraction

The way that I learned how to create attraction or be attractive was by 'small chunking' attraction routines, attraction techniques and the principles of attraction into my interactions with women. So yes, I did use attraction routines, but only as training wheels. After a while, I started to be able to generate powerful attraction using these techniques and routines. Over time, I was able to develop attraction in women quite consistently. I subsequently developed a conceptual, rather than rote, understanding of Attraction , which soon evolved into an identity based attractiveness. I.e. I got the knowledge, I implemented the actions and then I simply became an attractive person as I repetitively tried to generate attraction in women... or as we say in the new Inner Game Seminar - KNOW, DO, BE.

Attraction Basics

As o David DeAngelo says, 'Attraction isn’t a choice'.

A woman's 'reptilian brain', rather than her logical brain, makes the decision of whether or not she is attracted to you. The reptilian brain bases its decisions on VALUE. VALUE is based on SURVIVAL, REPLICATION AND GOOD EMOTIONS. For those of you who have read Magic Bullets , you will be aware that the key qualities which display survival, replication and good emotions are:

•Health
•Social Intuition
•Humor
•Status
•Wealth
•Pre selected
•Challenging
•Confident

All of these qualities demonstrate high value and are triggers of attraction . If you can convey that you are a man who possesses these qualities, attraction should follow. Why? Because it is this value that speaks to a woman's reptilian brain i.e. the part of her mind which generates attraction.

Sinn 's post on the basic attraction triggers is also a good read for background understanding on Attraction. See: Sinn's attraction switches.

The Different Types of Attraction

There are generally 5 types of attraction. Full credit to The Don for introducing me to the basic concept of the different types of attraction. I have expanded upon his 2 categories of Intrigue and Buying Temperature based attraction below, creating further sub categories to aid understanding.

1. Buying Temperature

a. Definition: Her state is increased by being around you
b. Done by: Teasing, humor, role plays, cocky funny, misinterpretation, games, kino escalation and dominance, Braddock style funny disqualification etc
c. Emphasis on: Humor (particularly push pull), pre-selection, dominance
d. Characteristically: You don’t have to talk about yourself at all – the focus is on fun
e. Drawbacks: This type of attraction is transferable and can be easily lost if you lose momentum. You can also become a dancing monkey or come across as reaction seeking

2. Intrigue

a. Definition: She is intrigued by talking to you – you have an uncanny understanding of her and other people around her
b. Done by: Cold reading, IVDs (Interactive Value Demonstrations), storytelling
c. Emphasis on: Social Intuition and showing dominance over her world
d. Characteristically: You talk about her, others and your unique experiences. The focus is on intriguing her.
e. Drawbacks: Can feel contrived as it relies on cold reads , palm reads and often constructed methods of impressing a woman etc. It is often not appropriate or practical in many high energy situations

3. Value Based Attraction

a. Definition: She wants to get to know you and be around you because you are high value in her eyes. You are a guy that she could potentially sleep with and even have a relationship with
b. Done by: Framing, social proof, storytelling, disqualification, leading, negs, sexual hoops, innuendo
c. Emphasis on: Health, leader of men, wealth, pre-selection, challenging, confidence
d. Characteristically: you talk about yourself
e. Drawbacks: This causes sexual receptiveness, but seldom causes sexual aggressiveness from the woman. Does not work as immediately as something like buying temperature attraction. This is because it can take time to create high value frames

4. ‘Warm and Fuzzy’ attraction

a. Definition: She sees you as an authentic and real person with integrity and a well rounded personality
b. Done by: Storytelling about family, friends, your childhood and vulnerabilities. The infamous 'holes in jeans' routine is a good example of this (holes in jeans routine can be found in the Routines Manual )
c. Emphasis on: Protector of loved ones, willingness to emote, moving life stories
d. Characteristically: You talk about yourself, your family and your experiences
e. Drawbacks: Too much of this and you can become boring or one dimensional

5. Emotional Connection/Qualification (The bridge between Attraction and Qualification and Comfort)

a. Definition: She feels that you are on the same wavelength as her. This actually amplifies existing attraction. What I am trying to describe here is the overlap between Qualification and Attraction. Emotional Connection/Qualification is vital as it helps to normalize the conversation with the girl and consequently SOLIDIFY or CRYSTALLIZE attraction. Attraction can typically be lost very easily. However, if you have qualified her, then Attraction will 'solidify' or 'crystallize'. Too many guys forget that they need to normalize the conversation and end up wondering why an interaction peters out after they are done with their cocky/funny personality/material. You will rarely ever be able to seduce a girl without having some form of normal conversation with her at some point. Note, however, that building an Emotional Connection is ideally done after you have already established other forms of attraction such as Buying Temperature and High Value
b. Done by: Normalization of conversation, finding topics of common interest and starting to talk more deeply about those topics and finding qualities about her that interest you
c. Emphasis on: Social intuition, genuinely connecting, qualification
d. Characteristically: You and her exchange thoughts about your commonalities and you validate her about qualities that she possesses that are important to you (note that there is overlap here with the qualification and comfort stages of the Emotional Progression Model). On a more advanced level, it can include rewarding any compliance with verbal or physical feedback
e. Drawbacks: If you do too much 'emotional connecting' without demonstrating buying temperature, intrigue, value based attraction etc, you may fall into the ‘let’s just be friends’ zone, unless she is already attracted to you based on your looks, social status, social proof etc

Note that The Don and Braddock teach that there are only two categories - Intrigue and Buying Temperature. The above list is a slightly expanded method of classification. However, using their model, Value Based Attraction, 'Warm and Fuzzy' Attraction and Emotional Connection/Qualification Attraction would belong in the category of Intrigue based Attraction. The Don 's / Braddock 's definitions may in fact be more useful to use in-field as it is easier to use quickly.

Practical Applications

Focusing on one type of attraction leads to different results. Ideally, you would employ a combination of all types, but this is not necessary all the time.

For example, let's say that all you are doing is creating Buying Temperature attraction by being cocky and funny. The positive aspect of this is that it may lead to a SNL (especially if you have decent physical escalation). However, the disadvantage is that if for some reason you have to leave her, she may very well hook up with someone else as Buying Temperature Attraction is transferable. Other types of Attraction have similar drawbacks. For example, if all you are doing is creating an emotional connection, there is the danger of “going into the friend zone”. There are other drawbacks, but I can't cover them all here.

Another implication is that if you are having difficulty hooking a set using a particular type of attraction, you can try building another type of attraction with the girl. For example, if the girl is not responding to Buying Temperature, you can try using some 'Warm and Fuzzy' Attraction techniques to get her to open up.

OK - enough with the theory. Let's have a look at some of the techniques that are immediately usable to create attraction.

Powerful Techniques That Can Be Used To Generate Attraction

Below, I cover around seven powerful techniques that can be used to generate attraction. Often, these techniques occur naturally in normal conversation and generate attraction and fun. However, they can be consciously used so that attraction can be consciously generated.

Many more advanced techniques are covered on my bootcamps .

1. Teasing
This is simply making fun of the girl in a humorous way based off what she says, what she does or her appearance. Yes, you can see teasing as a way to change your value relative to her value to create attraction, but I prefer to think of it as a fun way to create a good vibe between the two of you.

Teasing comes a lot from practice. In particular listen very carefully to what the girl is saying or carefully observe her mannerisms and base your teases off what you hear/see. The 'Trigger Words' exercise Braddock and I teach at our bootcamps is a great exercise to learn teasing .

However, learning teasing can also be done by learning some generic teases and putting them into practice straight away. Here are some good ones:

• She acts slightly childish (also can be used in any other occasion when you want to make fun of her):
“Wow you’re like a little kid, I’m gonna give you some crayons and a little helmet and put you in the corner so you can draw some pictures” or “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”
• She says something feisty/challenging:
“Where is your off button?”

“That’s cool. I mean like… sure. I thought you were a nice girl but that’s no way to talk about a guy whose parents just died last night.”

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