Fallacy Of Being Unreactive

Let’s take a look at one of the basic concepts of game - UNREACTIVITY.

The concept of ‘being unreactive’ is, for the large part, both largely misunderstood and misused in the dating and seduction community.

Prevailing Notions of 'Unreactivity'

Many believe that ‘unreactivity’ is the best response to all stimulus’ and ‘tests’ from beautiful women.

To some degree, this is correct. If you don’t know what to do or how to react then unreactivity is a good default response.

However, this advice taken wrongly can turn an otherwise pleasant ‘Joe Bloggs’ into a watered down, no guns or explosives, version of James Bond .

When I first got into learning about seduction, pick up and dating, one of the things that I read was that the key to attraction and general ‘coolness’ was to be unreactive. When I read this, I thought to myself – ‘Do I really have to be an unreactive, arrogant, dismissive, aloof alpha male in order to be good with girls?’

I struggled with this question for a long time. I’m hooking up with hot girls now regularly now and can tell you how it is exactly.

You don’t need to be an asshole or completely unreactive to get the hottest girls.

That being said, there is an advanced way to use 'jerk game' this to get SNLs through massive takeaways and drama - but this isn't part of this article and is not necessary to get attraction .

In fact, it is counterproductive to your life as a whole because it tends to make other people dislike you too (including guys that you could be aligning with). In general, being a dominant, unreactive alpha male is not necessary (this is yet another myth of the dating community - click here for more information on how to be a REAL alpha male ).

Consequently, while the principle of unreactiveness is useful, it requires a lot more finesse.

Not every successful seducer needs to be like James Bond - in fact, there are far more successful personality blueprints for a ‘ladies’ man’ than Mr Bond. Think about it – in your own lives, do you know a guy who is fun, funny, not an asshole and gets laid a lot? Does that person remind you of the supremely unreactive 007 ? No.

'Being Unreactive' as a Basic Principle

As a basic principle and for beginners to intermediate, 'Being Unreactive' is a useful principle to apply as a blanket rule.

You usually only have a split second to respond to something a girl says.

There is a pause between the stimulus and response. Within this ‘pause’, as a basic principle, if you are not sure how to respond to the stimulus (e.g. one of her ‘tests’), then it is indeed optimal to be unreactive. This is particularly important during the early part of an interaction – during the opening , transition and early attraction phases.

Being unreactive should certainly be the default in the case of ‘tests’ where you don’t know what to do in response to something she says or does. Why? Because although you do not offensively reframe, by not reacting, you do not accept a frame which is disadvantageous to you. A good friend of mine and respected ladies man, Sebastian Drake, said that one of the best responses when you don’t know what to do is to simply shrug. Good advice. Shrugging indicates a non reactive frame.

As a newbie, it may be useful to try to be completely unreactive for a while. For guys new to the game , or with very little success with women, the “unreactive” mindset is an excellent frame to have. You can generate a lot of attraction from setting such a frame.

But if we are talking “10 Game” i.e. how to pick up the hottest girls, there is a lot more to being completely unreactive.

This about it - does the rule of being ‘unreactive’ mean that you can’t laugh at her jokes, or empathise with her? I think not. If you have ever seen a magical Braddock set, where he has the girls in his grasp – laughing, grabbing him, trying to get his attention etc - you will see that the interaction is fun and free flowing – and both parties are reacting to each other a lot. Braddock isn’t James Bond , but I’d bet my bottom dollar that he gets more girls than 007 . And he isn’t the only example. Plenty of other instructors react to girls, and while they are not being classically unreactive, they are still able to generate quantum amounts of Attraction .

HOW???

The truth is that in many circumstances, it isn’t optimal to be unreactive. People are reactive to one another – it is called ‘communication’. Communication is inherently a reactive process. She makes a joke, you respond by laughing. She says something, you relate to it. These processes are inherently reactive. Moreover, as the interaction continues into the Qualification and Comfort stages, you will need to introduce even more reactivity as you connect with her on an emotional level (for more on Qualification and developing an emotional connection, see article here).

So the big question is… how can you be reactive and build attraction ?

Being Reactive – The Good Way

Take the following example as where reactivity can trump unreactivity…

UNREACTIVENESS

Her: OMG you’re such a jerk (smiling)

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